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>>canon pairings — brutal reality, or simply forced ideology::


The Octavarious


In late March of 2005, I was at the heights of my Sly Cooper craze. I had extensively worn-out the first installment, and wanted to check out the fanfiction for this excellent game. So I surfed the web until I found a site I had previously checked out, simply called Fanfiction.net, and immediately looked in the games section for good literature. I found about 150+ stories, most of them Sly/Carmelita. Wasn't that big of a deal, I thought, so I clicked to go to the next page. More Sly/Carmelita? What the fuck? Were these people smoking the stupid shit plant, or what? Appalled and flummoxed, I searched high and low, and pulled TWO good alternative stories out of a big, steaming pile of nutty dogshit. Incredulous? Ha!

Seeing that the fandom was in dire need of help, I invaded swiftly, and pushed out some of the guilty authors who supported crap like Sly/Carmelita, when there was absolutely no proof of their "love". Some were adamant about enforcing the ending of the sequel, which I consider to be a fluke, as none of the characters in said game act like their Thievius Raccoonus counterparts. But did anybody notice this? Did anyone listen to what I had to say? To reality? To the facts?

Of course not. They're fascist fangirls, goddammit. It doesn't matter whether a pairing is possible or not. It's only about what reviews you score, and what ideology you help to ENFORCE. I scratch your back, and you scratch mine, and we continue to pour acid down the readers' throats. There's no place for supporters of reality in these kinds of places -- only those who are willing to meld with everyone else. To blend in. To make a perfect sanctuary where little girls can read about Sly fucking Carmelita's brains out, and having the perfect wedding together. They don't care if its 300 words, or poorly written. As long as it's the CANON pairing, it's OKAY.

This time-consuming problem doesn't just linger in one fandom — it's in EVERY SINGLE FANDOM YOU CAN IMAGINE. Sonic The Hedgehog is ruled by Sonic/Amy. And Star Fox is sadly ruled by Fox/Krystal. Pairings of an alternative sort are looked down upon in a regular basis, and sites supporting these canon pairings are numurous, and at the same time, pointless. We're pushed away and filtered out by numerical superiority. Thusly, we MUST do something about this increasing problem. Take a stand against the oppression. Question the probability of the pairing they worship, and revolt if you must! For there is no canon pairing — it is ALL the ideology of the deaf, dumb and blind fangirl.