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>>torpor — chapter four: something redemption memories blah blah::

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>>TORPOR — CHAPTER FOUR: SOMETHING REDEMPTION MEMORIES BLAH BLAH::

Haze

Disclaimer: The hunted become the hunters! Star Fox belongs to me, so this isn't really a "fan" fic! Everything you read from this chapter onwards is new canon material from the official source! I'm also sueing all of you for ruining the Star Fox storyline with your perverted slash fanfiction. To clarify: Falco loves Leon, not Katt, so please get it right next time when you write your stories.

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Special thanks for this chapter goes to my telephone directory, where I get most of my fan character names from.

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"Slippy, I'm starting to think this is a bad idea," Peppy explained patiently, as they met privately on the bridge of the Great Fox.

"Peppy, you told me yourself that we had to have four members!"

"But not like this! This is insanity! The five others since Parry were even worse, and they died before we even went into battle!"

Slippy shrugged. "Well what do you want me to do?"

"I may be old, but I can still pilot. Just let me do it and…"

"Ohhhh no you don't. You retired already, we're not letting you steal the spotlight from us, in our prime. I know your true intentions, you scheming old geezer "

Fox hopped up and down, trying to get their attention. "LET - ME - PILOT - IT! - JUST - GIVE - ME - A - PROPER - BODY!"

Both of them ignored Fox.

Slippy persisted. "We've been training this new one. She's got potential, and best of all, she's actually mentally stable. She's completely different from those others. She'll make my team proud."

"SINCE - WHEN - IS - THIS - YOUR - TEAM?"

"And I think she likes me too…"

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Andrea sat on her throne. She was furious, just like Andross often was. She was getting impatient, so she pushed the button for the SECRET WEAPON.

A frightened general protested this action. "But, sir! The war has just begun! Shouldn't we save it as a trump card for later on?"

Andrea considered this for a minute. "No," she said, curtly.

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Slippy had been busy trying to get their talented new recruit out of police custody. As they walked back to his arwing in the parking lot, he decided to discipline her. She was getting too cocky lately.

"Leiya, you can't just go around pickpocketing!"

The bright red female fox, 6'4" tall, just flashed a huge grin. "But I'm a girl and you never actually saw me steal them!"

"But the police did. Look, we have to be protectors of justice and peace. Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

"Look, I'm a girl, tee hee. One of my advantages is how sexy I am."

Slippy facepalmed. "Yes, I'll take your word for it on that. But why would you want to go stealing? You have a job with us, we're paying you more than enough."

Leiya smiled real wide while she used her powers of telepathy to read Slippy's mind. "Oooh. Did you know that I am a sexy girl?"

"Stop that! Leiya, will you pay attention to me? Get out of my head!"

Leiya giggled and groped her own breasts for no reason.

"Leiya! What are you doing?"

Leiya suddenly went furious, and drew her daggers from her belt. "GRRAAWR!" she snarled, as she leapt on some pedestrian on the sidewalk who looked at her funny. She sliced his body apart with no mercy as the victim screamed. "I have telepathy! I could read your thoughts! You traitor!" She followed this up with a psychic shockwave into the victim's brains.

Luckily for Slippy, he was saved by his nifty emergency watch, with an alarm light on top. The light was twirling and flashing while a sound chip played the Hamster Dance music on endless repeat. Slippy knew this was BIG. Something really BIG. Only the really BIG emergencies sounded his watch alarm. He grabbed Leiya by her long hair and dragged her back to Star Fox HQ as the police arrived on the scene and chased after them.

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Falco stared in wide-eyed shock from his arwing's cockpit. "Jeez… laweez… paleeze. What… IS… that?!"

"It's a telepathic projection. Very similar to one of Andross's old inventions," Krystal said.

"So it's not real?"

"Yes, it's real, it's just that it's not natural. You know, it was created by telepathy."

"That's kind of a magic thing."

"Telepathy isn't magic, Falco! It's science!"

"Science space fantasy magic."

"But it's very real, and it can kill us all, just like it's destroying that city."

"Your mother was very real. And telepathic. Last night."

What they saw before them was a 200 foot tall giant Andrea, stomping all over a Cornerian city. It was huge. And her arms were replaced with giant cannons, which were shooting all over the place. And her legs were replaced with huge ears of corn. Her ears had ninja swords. And she breathed fire. I know this sounds hard to believe, but anything is possible with telepathy!

Leiya and Slippy's arwings deployed from the Great Fox docking bay, and they caught up with Falco and Krystal. "That must be their ultimate weapon!"

"FOOLISH STAR FOX! THE LYLAT SYSTEM IS MINE FOR THE TAKING!" Andrea's voice boomed for miles around, deafening anyone close enough who wasn't already getting blown up in fires or stomped by giant corn-legs.

Leiya shouted out encouragement, "Let's go, team! Anyone want to go out with me?"

And so, the Star Fox team spent 7 long, continuous hours shooting lasers at the giant space Andrea. This did absolutely no good, and they were running out of time. Andrea had already completely leveled three of Corneria's continents.

Slippy screamed out, "Help get these guys off of me, Fox!" He had momentarily forgotten his new position and regressed back ten years in his development. He blushed about his error, and hoped no one else caught it on the communication lines. Everyone did, but didn't say anything.

Andrea shot another laser beam into the mountains, sending boulders and goats flying everywhere.

Leiya knew it was time for a risky course of action. "Guys, I'm going to destroy that thing. And only I have the skill to do it."

"What? What are you planning to do?" Krystal shouted.

"If I can fly myself directly into those cannons, reach the power source, and destroy it, that should take care of this telepathic space giant. Only I have the skill to get in there."

"But it's impossible to get back out!" Slippy said.

Leiya smiled really wide again, flashing her teeth on the monitors. "Just watch me. I'm an expert pilot, I told you. I just have to U-Turn at the right moment."

"Don't do it!" Falco protested. But it was too late to change her mind from this heroic act.

With that, she courageously flew towards the giant. The rest of the team distracted Andrea's attention, and Leiya was able to pilot her ship directly into the barrel of the huge arm-cannon. Her wing brushed against the wall of the tunnel, but fortunately, little damage was suffered. Leiya was now safely inside, on a head-on course towards the core. The slightest error in her piloting direction would cause her ship to collide, but to the awe of her teammates, she had pulled it off perfectly.

Suddenly, Andrea shot some cannon blasts, and Leiya's arwing was destroyed entirely by the high-energy photon bullet within the barrel before reaching the target. Boom. Death.

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Wolf put on his brand new fur-lined, leather flight jacket as he gave the thumbs-up. "Okay team, let's rock and roll!"

Leon mumbled, "That's Fox's line."

"Shut up. He never trademarked it. It's mine now!"

The Star Wolf took off in their brand new Wolfen ships, in a perfect diamond formation. The first three looked alike, but the Wolfen in the rear looked odd to the keen eye. It was custom painted, and gave off the impression it had more than a few custom improvements on its internal hardware as well. Who was this mysterious pilot?

The Star Fox retreated to a safe distance as they watched their rivals come to the rescue. They felt bitter, but they knew they could not win without a full four-member formation. Star Wolf was going to get all the glory today, as they rightfully deserved!

The team sent off a volley of laser fire, in a perfect synchronized ballet. They hit the giant Andrea simultaneously and burned a hole in her flesh instead of merely deflecting like Star Fox's shots had. That's because Star Wolf's blasters were TELEPATHICALLY REINFORCED, baby. You'd have to be an expert on telepathy to understand how this works. Andrea felt the pain, and started vomiting sulfuric acid across the countryside in huge quantities.

Wolf was pleased that his plan was working. He smiled as he initiated phase 2. "Winter, move into position!"

Winter Gryphon, the charming red wolf, and newest member of Star Wolf, saluted. "I've never been more ready!" Her voice was like music to the ear. Even Leon felt attracted to her. She even had an eyepatch over one eye, similar to Wolf. (Although the origins of Wolf's eyepatch shall forever remain a mystery, everybody knew that Winter's eyepatch came from an injury involving a scuffle with corrupt police forces. See chapter two.)

She pulled back the throttle and gained altitude. Soon she was positioned directly between the sun and the giant Andrea below her. She flew past the line of direct light, causing a lens flare effect. She then pressed her custom Wolfen ship into reverse, so she had barely gone a few feet past when she started flying backwards through the beam. Andrea looked up, but it was too late.

Winter was continuing this pattern, the silhouette of her ship flying back and forth between the sun and Andrea, and she was gaining speed. Her ship was becoming a blur. There were so many lens flares hitting the giant, and they were picking up in intensity.

"NOOOOOO!" Andrea tried to shield her eyes, which did no good. The full effect of all those lens flares concentrated on one point in such a short range of time created a miniature nuclear explosion! The very fabric of time and space and reality was ripped apart and flushed down the toilet as the monstrous telepathic giant mutant Andrea was eliminated from the Lylat System once and for all. Her physical body was now gone forever, but her mind still existed, roaming the void of space. Kind of like Voldemort or Sauron or whatever. She would only be able to watch, and someday return by taking over a properly synchronized telepath's mind, but that won't happen until some prophecy comes true, ten million years from now. The day was saved!

Star Wolf gave a cheer for Ms Gryphon's amazing piloting work. All of the reporters in the system were recording the event, and animal-people on every planet were watching the epic battle from their homes. They had also seen Star Wolf get their asses kicked. On that day, the tables were turned forever for our two mercenary squadrons.

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There was a big celebration with lots of food, fireworks, and some weird folk music. The comic relief characters came out with pianos and guitars and played bad covers of annoyingly overhyped popular music. Everybody got married! Everybody, that is, except for those LOSER Star Fox members. Wolf kissed Winter and swept her in his arms, taking her to a private room with nice pillows. Leon kissed Panther, but Panther was a bit tied up since he was forcibly thrust into this mass marriage against his will. Leon adjusted his wedding gown, and carried Panther off to his own private room with chains and cold steel torture beds.

THE END?

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But little did everyone realize that there was another mighty force behind all of this! Dr. Andrea was merely a puppet for a greater evil, whose hand was guiding her actions while the rest of the arm and the body was hidden behind a long red curtain. All had gone according to the evil mastermind's plan, and it was now time for it to tear down the curtain and execute the final act of this puppet rock opera… thing.

Not coincidentally, Krystal came screaming from the hallway of the Great Fox. "It's terrible guys!"

Peppy took a bite out of his sandwich. "What's terrible?"

"Fox's dick! Someone's stolen it, and the jar it was in!"

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Who could do such a thing, you ask? CONTINUE READING TO FIND OUT! TO BE CONTINUED!